The most important thing in the world is a person's happiness, whether it be your own or someone else's. I believe that everyone has the right to be completely happy with every aspect of their life and if they can find it they should strive hard to keep it. I deserve to be happy with my environment, my school, my choice of friends, and my relationships.
There isn't anything in the universe that knows me better than me and I know what makes me happy. How do I know what I know? I wont go into epistemology right now (that was last semester) but I will say that through experience I know what's best for my 19 year old life. I could be considered naïve, but isn't that what life is all about? Taking risks because you believe something to be right and then learning that it wasn't necessarily the best thing for you. I know that's kind of what I am going through right now.
Let's look at where I am right now: UC Berkeley. Great school, intelligent people, wonderful geography, and on the cutting edge of academia. It has a great name. Who doesn't know the prestige of the University? But where does that leave me? The past four years of my life were all about working towards this goal, not Berkeley, but prestige. The recognition by my peers of my hard work was something I thought I wanted, something I thought would make me happy. Complete rubbish. Since August I have been weighing my thoughts on Berkeley, whether it was the right decision for me. I still haven't come to a conclusion yet, but it doesn't look too good in for the University. As great as it is here, I don't think it is for me. The people, the professors, and the environment.
I still don't know what will make me completely happy right now, that's something for me to find out in time. What's great is now I know what seemingly does not make me happy. I don't have a plan for next semester yet, so far I have no idea if they even include Berkeley. I love learning and I will always remain a student. I know I could always withdraw from the University for as long as I need to and, if necessary, enroll in courses at AVC and decide what to do from there, whether it's going back to Cal or transferring to a university that might make me happier. I do know this, I will finish my semester here in Berkeley and along the way I will open doors and research all of the different opportunities I have. Maybe I'll switch into a University I like for next fall.
Who cares if people say I couldn't handle Berkeley? I obviously showed that I had the potential to handle anything academic Berkeley threw at me. Like I said before, I need to do what makes me happy and I need to find out exactly what that is. It needs to be understood that if I decide to do this I would want it to be completely for myself. I dont want to do it for my family or my friends, but for myself. I need to find myself and see what could possibly help to make me happier. There is still a very high chance I will be in Berkeley again in the Fall and I will be joking about these emotions I am feeling right now. Whatever happened I'll keep you updated. Let me ask you this though, why spend four years of your life being anything short of happy when you have the power to change it? Exactly. Fuck what everyone else thinks, just be happy.
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amazingly, you still get me without even knowing it. I just had that exact blog on my mind. Well, maybe you said it better than I could have, but it was comforting nonetheless.
I LOVE the last sentence in this post. College is time where have the chance to learn the most about yourself. Part of finding yourself is finding out what makes you happy.
Dude I know exactly what you mean! I have found peace in not having to worry about the University system and just focusing on what I WANT to do. I ave found that I love to help people and that I am way beyond just going to school and having a normal job. I want to travel and I am going to do that with the program I am in. I totally support any decision you make. I will call you soon!
"Who cares if people say I couldn't handle Berkeley?"
The people who matter most would never even think such a thing. You're a terrific guy. Remember that whatever is going through your head is normal and fine because YOU thought it and YOU'RE a rational, compassionate, and all-around good guy. Fuck them indeed!
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