Sunday, February 25, 2007

101 Things

In response to Angie's "100 Things" I posted "101 Things" because I like showing her up.

1) My best friend walks on four legs. 2) I wish I could memorize things easily. 3) My high school home life was considerably different than before. 4) I like getting awakened by a phone call from a friend in the middle of the night. 5) I hate the sun. 6) I only have enough testosterone to grow hair below my waist. 7) I still feel like it's too much. 8) I shower longer than any boy should. 9) The first book I ever wanted was a thesaurus. 10) I don't understand religious fanaticism. 11) I believe killing someone is wrong. 12) I have Apple's "Think different" manifesto memorized. 13) I like stability. 14) But day to day stuff bores me quickly. 15) I am afraid of looking in a mirror. 16) Sometimes I think my life is just a dream and I will wake up 2 years old in a crib. 17) Sometimes that sounds nice. 18) I'm generally a realist 19) Laughter is my defense mechanism. 20) I can't laugh alone. 21) I spend three years of high school to get approval from one girl. 22) One day it just stopped. 23) I feel best about myself after a shower in my underwear. 24) I am an internet addict. 25) I'm not seeking to have that fixed. 26) I hold others on a pedestal because sometimes I think so low about myself. 27) Nothing makes me want to do something more than when I am told not to do it. 28) The first thing I said when my sister was born was "put her back". 29) I'm glad they didn't. 30) My eating habits suck. 31) Same to my exercising habits. 32) I want the power of the written word. 33) I believe in the pursuit of happiness. 34) I trust in the good of human nature. 35) I'd rather be comfortable and happy then rich and lonely. 36) I still have nightmares about high school. 37) Plants fascinate me. 38) I laugh at stupid stuff. 39) I feel like I don't have a creative bone in my body. 40) I listen to unrequited love songs. 41) Apple is my vice. 42) I had a 66% chance for an STD. 43) It was a UTI. 44) I've never even had sex. 45) I am capable of being a doctor. 46) The work overwhelms me. 47) I can walk with my iPod for miles. 48) As a vegetarian the food I miss most would be my mother's brisket. 49) I like the smell of fabric softener. 50) My sister used to dress me up in her clothes. 51) I didn't mind; I got to play with her. 52) I think my hair is one of my best physical attributes. 53) I don't know what I can offer the world. 54) I have a drinking problem, I have to have over 64 ounces of water a day. 55) Tea is comforting. 56) I have high standards for workmanship. 57) Aesthetics are important to me. 58) If I had one wish it would be the ability to fly. 59) Overcast days make me happy. 60) I went through a 2 year Gilligan's Island phase. 61) I am scared of drugs. 62) I enjoy being in solitude. 63) My deadly sin is envy. 64) I love going places with my friends. 65) I also love just sitting and talking with them. 66) Without peanut butter and the salad bar I wouldn't eat much at my dining commons. 67) I like flying. 68) I hate airport security. 69) More people call me their friend than I call them mine. 70) If you are my friend I will fight hard to keep you. 71) MTV never interested me. 72) I feel like I can define childhood and adulthood. 73) Still don't know where that puts me. 74) I like the holidays. 75) I can't go a week without cleaning my sheets. 76). I love feeling loved. 77) I consider a B+ good. 78) In high school that would have devastated me . 79) My sister makes me laugh harder than anyone else. 79) I'm an environmentalist. 80) Solar power is so obvious that my hometown wont even consider it. 81) I hate feeling like the world is going on without me. 82) I like falling asleep to the sounds of the rain. 83) I am proud to be a Mac user. 84) I read 'Foxtrot' religiously. 85)I am sure education can fix the problems of the world. 86) I am very emotionally sensitive. 87) I find almost everything symbolic. 88) That turns into a problem. 89) Thinking of a day without a shower scares me. 90) I hate the way I look naked. 91) In middle school I wore a white polo shirt everyday--by choice. 92) I think the bible is just stories. 93) I like to tackle conflicts head on. 94) In 19 years I still haven't learned how to study. 95) I still feel like I need my mommy. 96) I believe in karma 97) Karma sucks. 98) I turn red really easily. 99) I am a good listener. 100) I want to invent something. 101) Education, justice, and family are my greatest values.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

from the soap box

I'm starting to doubt human nature. My entire life I assumed people were born good and that they want to do good for other people. My life, despite all of my complaining, is quite good. I have a family that supports me and money in a bank account. I have a roof over my head and I know I will eat everyday (of course ruling out Yom Kippur). What just irks me is the urban homeless population. I am not bothered so much by homeless people in general, I am bothered by the lack of interest in the seemingly obvious problem facing society. In the most advanced cities in the world we cannot solve a problem that seems solvable. The problem is we all live in our own small selfish bubbles. I will be first to admit I am guilty of it, but I think as a society we must break through our bubbles and help fellow members of the human race.

I am supposed to be attending a University with some of the most brilliant minds in the country. The people who of UC Berkeley invented the atom bomb, helped to start what is now the internet, and created the anti-proton (whatever the hell that is). What I am trying to get at is these same people can't seem to come up with a way to help their fellow residents. We all seem to live in this "UC bubble", once we're on campus we care about our grades and our research and once we're off campus we care about what happens in this week's episode of Grey's Anatomy.

It's depressing to see people without homes on the streets of a city known by its progressive values, yet it has one of the highest rates of homelessness within the city limits. I don't have a solution for the problem, but I want to help find one. I want people to know they can get a meal and medical care without having to ask strangers for spare change while smiling through the gaps in their teeth. I still believe in the power of the goodness of human nature. People are and can be good. We just need to stop being silent and open our eyes to problems bigger than wardrobe malfunctions and celebrities' shaved heads.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

My Philosophy

The most important thing in the world is a person's happiness, whether it be your own or someone else's. I believe that everyone has the right to be completely happy with every aspect of their life and if they can find it they should strive hard to keep it. I deserve to be happy with my environment, my school, my choice of friends, and my relationships.

There isn't anything in the universe that knows me better than me and I know what makes me happy. How do I know what I know? I wont go into epistemology right now (that was last semester) but I will say that through experience I know what's best for my 19 year old life. I could be considered naïve, but isn't that what life is all about? Taking risks because you believe something to be right and then learning that it wasn't necessarily the best thing for you. I know that's kind of what I am going through right now.

Let's look at where I am right now: UC Berkeley. Great school, intelligent people, wonderful geography, and on the cutting edge of academia. It has a great name. Who doesn't know the prestige of the University? But where does that leave me? The past four years of my life were all about working towards this goal, not Berkeley, but prestige. The recognition by my peers of my hard work was something I thought I wanted, something I thought would make me happy. Complete rubbish. Since August I have been weighing my thoughts on Berkeley, whether it was the right decision for me. I still haven't come to a conclusion yet, but it doesn't look too good in for the University. As great as it is here, I don't think it is for me. The people, the professors, and the environment.

I still don't know what will make me completely happy right now, that's something for me to find out in time. What's great is now I know what seemingly does not make me happy. I don't have a plan for next semester yet, so far I have no idea if they even include Berkeley. I love learning and I will always remain a student. I know I could always withdraw from the University for as long as I need to and, if necessary, enroll in courses at AVC and decide what to do from there, whether it's going back to Cal or transferring to a university that might make me happier. I do know this, I will finish my semester here in Berkeley and along the way I will open doors and research all of the different opportunities I have. Maybe I'll switch into a University I like for next fall.

Who cares if people say I couldn't handle Berkeley? I obviously showed that I had the potential to handle anything academic Berkeley threw at me. Like I said before, I need to do what makes me happy and I need to find out exactly what that is. It needs to be understood that if I decide to do this I would want it to be completely for myself. I dont want to do it for my family or my friends, but for myself. I need to find myself and see what could possibly help to make me happier. There is still a very high chance I will be in Berkeley again in the Fall and I will be joking about these emotions I am feeling right now. Whatever happened I'll keep you updated. Let me ask you this though, why spend four years of your life being anything short of happy when you have the power to change it? Exactly. Fuck what everyone else thinks, just be happy.

Monday, February 12, 2007

My Major

If you asked me in high school what my major in college would be, I would have answered "math" without much thinking. If you asked me my major just out of high school I would have said "business" with little effort. If you asked me once I moved in to my dorm I would have said "philosophy", but with hesitation. Depending on how well I know you I now answer with some ridiculous concentration (interpretive dance) or a "hell if I know" (for you reading this, the latter).

I feel almost completely overwhelmed and stressed with picking a major. I know I have time to think about it, but everyone already seems to know what they want and they have at least something to pursue. My roommate is a bioengineering major, besides meaning that he is about twenty billion times smarter than me, it also means he knows what requirements and breadth classes to take in order to graduate with that degree in hand. For me I am taking a hodgepodge of classes that I hope will someday get me a degree in something. I keep telling myself I am doing what I am supposed to do, get breadth out of the way and try to find something to fall in love with. It's not quite working. It's not that I don't like my classes, it's the opposite, I see myself enjoying all of the subjects I have taken so far.

I miss how in high school the schedule was hand picked for you and you knew exactly what classes and subjects you had to take to graduate. The problem here is that there are four sets of requirements before we can graduate. There are University of California requirements. UC Berkeley requirements, school requirements, and major requirements. I feel I am behind in everything because I haven't picked a major and I feel that when I do pick a major I will be behind all of the other people in that major because they probably knew freshman year. I figure I could always try to make it lucky and keep going like this and see if the classes I am taking fall into a major. Right now it just so happens I am closest to being an art history major. Go figure.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Berkeleyian Disappointments

The urban dictionary defines Berkeley as a city that makes "Amsterdam look conservative". Berkeley was home to the free speech movement and was the first city to convert its entire diesel fleet to bio-diesel fuel and to prohibit the sale of ozone depleting styrofoam in fast food containers. Progressive and liberal go with Berkeley the same way 'evil' meshes so well with Wal*Mart. Lately, however, I have been disappointed with my fellow citizens.

Every time I take a shower the previous user of the shower has left the water running. They haven't left it running full blast mind you, but it's a steady trickle. The dripping is loud and it's blatantly wasteful. I am also sure I am the first one to use it in the morning which translates to the water being on all night. While this is not only bad for the environment, I am almost sure that it does help whatever fungus may be growing in a college freshman dorm bathroom.

It's not only my fellow floor mates that are wasteful, it's my damn roommates as well. Why must one of my roommates insist upon leaving the lights on when he leaves. Not just the main light, but his desk light as well. And no, it's not because someone else is in the room and he doesn't want to be rude. I have walked in from my day at school and work to find both of the lights on and my roommate absent.

The other roommate is no better, I don't know how many times I have walked into the room and his godforsaken speakers are blasting his hyphy music. But where is the roommate responsible for this? Oh he left about thirty minutes ago to get drunk and stumble in at 2:00 am yelling things that have nothing to do with anything.

Mind you this is the same city that has hippies up in oak trees for the past few weeks trying to save them from being torn down. I think if they saw what my fellow floor mates were doing they would be sitting in our shower stalls protesting the water the pressure or something.

After all of this disappointment in my fellow "Berkeleyans", I am never disappointed by their sense of humor. In high school people would write on the desks about how one person might be a bitch or how they have the biggest copulatory organ at the school. Yesterday I discovered some desk graffiti that made me giggle a little. One student carved into the desk "Who let the dogs out?". Directly underneath, written by another student: "Pavlov?".