I cannot help but feel the need to be creative. It's actually more of a desire or dream than anything else. People paint, sculpt, photograph, layout, build, write, or compose, I unfortunately feel as though I cannot do any of these things. When it comes to painting, sculpting, or composing I simply cannot do it. I have tried my hand painting (if 4th grade art time counts) and I just don't have the skills (or eyes) necessary to create pieces where people “ooo and ahhh.” If I tried seriously painting it would come out with red grass, lavender sky, brown leaves, and dark purple water-- something I am sure would cause the critic with the strongest of stomach lining to lose their lunch. I can actually draw, provided there is no living thing in my work. I can do straight lines, landscapes, and man-made objects, but how many times can you draw a skyline before thinking 'this guy needs to branch out?' Composing is almost completely out of the question, I don't like curb myself or my abilities, but it would take too much time to learn and it honestly should be a skill I started when I was five.
I think I would have my best chance at photography or writing, after all that's what I am doing here, writing. I am sure you all agree that I am not the best of writers and most certainly not the wittiest, silliest or creative-ist. I dabble in poetry every now and then, but it's nothing special, nor anything you will ever see as I am way too embarrassed to let it see the light of day (I only wax poetry at night.) Photography is a wonderful hobby of mine. I enjoy capturing moments and images that I want to remember forever. As a matter of fact some of my pictures are wonderful, but, to some, photography is their “thing”. I don't want to impede or cheapen their “thing” by claiming it is my thing as well. Nothing makes you lose interest in something when you realize someone else is better at it than you.
I know it's silly and superficial, but maybe I cannot find a defining creative outlet because I am not the best at any of these things. I know it's not the point of artistic ventures, as a matter of fact I am probably cheapening art by adding a competitive twist to it, sorry. There is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel of insecurities (look--it's kind of poetic, metaphors!) I love appreciating art. Give me a painting and I will be one of the first to discuss it or hag it up. Play me music and I will be first to copy it to iTunes. Write a poem and I will gladly be the first to read it and snap my beatnik fingers. Take a photograph and I will be first to make it my desktop picture. Cook something and I will be first to consume it (provided there isn't any meat). I think you get the picture. I may not be the best at creating art, but I will try to be the best at appreciating it.
In the meantime I will sit here, listen to music, write my blogs, and look at my iPhoto library for the picture I enjoyed taking the most. Keep creating, there is at least one person here to appreciate it.