Monday, June 11, 2007

Long Overdue

This blog is long overdue. About three weeks overdue. It's not that I didn't want to write nor was it that I didn't have anything to say, I just didn't do it. My life isn't particularly busy right now, however there is a lot in my life going on. Funny how that works. My first year at the university ended about three weeks ago. I took my last two finals May 16th and came back to Lancaster two days after that. What may be surprising to some of you is that I decided to come back to Berkeley just five days after coming home. Why? I am not really sure myself, I think it was a combination of many reasons, but I'll save that for a later (but not too much later blog). To give you a picture of what has been going on in my life, I am currently writing this in Oakland International Airport waiting for my flight to Burbank to begin the boarding protocol. Yeah, you heard me right, I am coming back home (again!)

I could go through and tell you the ups and downs of my freshman year at Berkeley, but if you are a frequent reader, which I assume you are because all (three) of my readers were here a little under a year ago when I started this thing. Which reminds me, this is my 50th posted blog, hard to believe especially since I seem to only post every three weeks or so. Anyway, here's the low down. Last August I didn't know what to expect from this Berkeley place, all I knew was that it would kick my ass and that I would have to get used to not being the best or the brightest, it wasn't that hard of a transition. My first semester was mostly spent as a wide-eyed freshman with the whole rest of my college life ahead of me. I made it out of the Antelope Valley and was happy to branch out. I moved farther from home than most of my friends (a whopping 400 miles) I wanted to start my own life, as a different person than the way high school defined me. Needless to say, you can't change the person you are inside and since I wear personality on my sleeve people knew what to expect of me right away, however being away from the people who knew me throughout my childhood was quite liberating. I met many new people and probably remembered less than half of their names, however the people that mattered I remember and I established sincere relationships with them. I got a job, went to social events, and survived life for a year without my mommy to pick up after me. I entered the most meaningful romantic relationship at that time and also felt true heart break three months later. It was a good Thanksgiving, Chanukah, New Years, and Valentine's Day, but unfortunately it had to come to an end. I never would have recognized it back then, but maybe it was for the best.

I went though a painful time of my life the beginning of the spring semester. I was cynical and sarcastic. I questioned my decision to attend Cal and seriously considered transferring to another college. I wasn't depressed, I was just unhappy. I felt as though everything I did was wrong and all that I worked for in high school was wasted on a wrong decision. I decided to wait until spring break to see how I felt and by spring break I was happier. I reaffirmed my decision to come to one of the greatest places in the world, academically, politically and geographically. When I was able to come to terms with myself I gained a new peace of mind and euphoria that was better than my bright eyed first semester days. I put myself out into the world and met new people all by myself -- without Jena or Eric. I have a new sense of who I am and where I am going. This feeling will probably not last forever, but it's good that it is here now and I am enjoying it thoroughly. I came into the year on a high note, after the best summer of my life and I am leaving it on a high note as well, with a new sense of self.

As for my summer, well, until about two weeks before the year ended I was planning on spending it in Lancaster, now however, I am spending almost all of it in Berkeley, in my new apartment. I will be working almost full time at the Scholar's Workstation and trying to live more of an independent life. The weather is fabulous and the people are amazing. As I write this, the wind is calm, the sky is blue and it is probably no more than 72 degrees. Shame I have to go back on such a beautiful day, but I have a lot to look forward to this coming week. A small break from work to see my friends, John Mayer live in Hollywood with my best friend, experience Apple's World Wide Developer's Conference, and see my little sister get promoted from middle school to high school. I'll keep you all posted more frequently and I wish you all a great day.